Day 73

 

Tears.

Day one after Chemo No. 3.

I’m reversing the day today.  A slow day, only 4 1/2 hrs sleep.  Amanda came round with a curry for supper and brought her breadmaker for me to try out.  A fun evening with Amanda giggling in the massage chair but now its almost midnight and I am reclined in the robot myself listening quite loud through the HiFi to a recording of Morton Feldman’s mesmerising piano piece ‘For Bunita Marcus’ performed by Stephane Ginsburgh. I’m not sleepy, but I’m very tired, it’s the steroids messing with me.

I decide to check my emails on my iPad and then suddenly I’m weeping. Uncontrollable tears. I’ve recieved an email from N which only seems to say ‘You’.  That’s all it says for a while.  The email’s subject title spells Y o u.

And there are two short paragraphs which say everything that needs to be said. And the email ends Love N x

It’s a reply to my email last week sent to friends who may not know, but it’s from beyond my list of names. It’s from N who I haven’t really spoken to for 20 years.  My email was forwarded to N by Sam/Caroline who has also just emailed me a lovely note in addition to one from my old guitar playing friend Nick/Sid who share their lives together up in Wiltshire. You’re right Sam, it’s been years, but wasn’t it just last year I came to see you? This is what happens isn’t it, time just shifts and shifts.

Well, I needed to weep. It’s been an extraordinary week since making my diary and blog available, since letting all my friends and family in. An avalanche of love I think I said.

I’ll write more later, but need some time with this.

 

Though to complete the day, I spent the morning pottering about at home, tea and fruit in the sunshine with Delpha from next door, talking and looking at the plants.  D has given me some pots with buds about to burst into flower to add colour to my greenery. Lovely lady.

In the afternoon I exhausted myself up at the barn with angle grinder and welder starting the rebuild of my boat trailer, Mark helping jack up the boat and making sure I was alright as my brain’s not really engaged.

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And I rebuilt an old petrol pump for the Vitesse which is back on the road again now…