Day 74


I woke from a crystal clear dream in which my friend Susan Staurt and I were at the races and I was about to put a £10 20-to-1 bet on a nag called ‘Christmas Horse’ with two minutes to go. Quick!  Place that bet!

I’m feeling pretty good, very relaxed. I took a natural sleeping potion last night called Cherry Nights which doesn’t sound very reassuring but it’s a Viridian product with cherry and red date extract containing natural melatonin. I’m so relaxed, I doze for another two hours, then stay in bed until 10 o’clock which is quite unusual for me.

Last evening’s emotional meltdown has left me feeling calm and clearheaded. Maybe it’s this that has allowed me to sleep. The email from N was very moving. But the whole week of communication from friends and family on top of everything else has had a powerful centring and grounding effect on me. All my friends here, so willing to support me in daily needs when I need it, and my friends further afield just there for me. How would you ever know this in ordinary life? It’s not like you can test it is it?

I skipped breakfast, not really being hungry until lunchtime. But then made a large green salad from the garden with avocado red pepper celery walnuts and seeds, a side dish of quinoa with flax oil and cut into a goats cheese camembert with oatcakes. Hungry now. That’s good! And I can taste it, which makes a change from the last chemo session where for most of the time my mouth tasted of battery acid. I wonder what’s changed. I’m drinking a lot more water; pouring 2 full pint glasses out to keep on the side for me to drink in excess of what I’d normally drink. I need them there as a reminder, otherwise I just forget. It’s putting simple systems like this in place that are really helping I think.

The post arrives, lots of parcels to sign for…bits for the car, bits for more curtain rails, and a big and heavy Richard Hamilton catalogue from the Tate and a note, how exciting! I don’t open the book yet, I’m going to save that.

Back to the barn later in the afternoon just 3 or 4 hours. I finish welding up the  boat trailer which comes together well.  I love my box of metal offcuts, it always comes up trumps. I heat up some wax oil and white spirit and pour into the open mouth of the main box section to stop it from rusting within like last time, sloshed around poured out messy work but fun, and satisfying. I’m wearing my protective gear, and get a coat of red primer on the new metalwork too. I’ve dismantled checked and greased up the various bearings and rollers, and it should work well. A step closer to getting the boat back in the water.

Eating well again in the evening, roast chicken mashed organic butternut squash and spring greens from the garden with a little butter olive oil garlic and black sesame seeds. Damn delicious.

I tried to answer a few emails in the evening but actually I’m feeling pretty whacked. Instead I let the robot go to work on my back (Amanda, I think her name’s Roberta not Olga…) and watch a bit of an interview between film director David Lynch and Russell Brand, talking about transcendental meditation.  Funny!  Thanks for the link Roman, I’ll follow up your ideas on Mindfulness too.