Day 93


Its a slow day today, in the middle of the aches, and it seems like a good time to have a day off.

Its a beautiful day again, actually too hot for the beach for me anyway, being a bit light sensitive at the moment.  So Ali and I head up to the barn and drive the bus out in to the glorious day – it’s looking ready for action and fun, however with the MOT not done yet there’s nowhere to go, but that’s ok and we park up outside the barn with the doors open wide and the air moving through, and the lovely view south and west across the fields.  I’ve brought all the kitchen and bedding stuff up to put back in and suddenly there we are; very comfortable inside outside…cook eat doze sleep.

Susanna comes up to visit at lunchtime and has brought local asparagus and she shows me how to make mayonnaise with egg yolk and olive oil.  We walk down to the stream in the woods and have a picnic in the sun and shade and long grass – Milli going nuts with so many people to throw the ball and the cool water to play in.

Not much else happens, apart from heading back to the bus for the afternoon and dozing more and then making supper and thinking about staying overnight but in the end I feel I’d be more comfortable at home as I feel pretty sore.  And also strangely wired – I think its because the obvious works to the bus are pretty much at an end and so my main form of distraction is over…what next then?  Lots of questions come up: am I properly focusing on getting well?  Do I need to do more on refining my diet?  Am I making the best of my time?

I’ve let go of the acupuncture partly because I feel that the chemical burden I’m under overpowers the careful work that Dr. Ann Hatfield has been doing – I’ll miss the sessions which I liked, a punctuation between chemo sessions and point of focus.  But I can’t honestly say that my sleep improved or ascertain whether the balancing of my blood circulation pattern was long lasting.  Well, I’ve suspended our sessions so we’ll see how I sleep and feel now.

And what to put in its place?  Some yoga I think, rather than the Pilates I’d been doing before getting ill. Now my back pain has retreated I feel flexible if not strong, and the breathing side of yoga will be good for me and move me towards some stilling of the mind perhaps.  I think I’ll make some enquiries about one-to-one sessions.  There are good teachers here, and maybe someone will be interested in taking me on – that middle aged man with cancer and chemo to contend with.