Day 118-119

Haze.

The weekend passed in a bit of a haze.  I mostly rested up and took it easy.

Saturday afternoon Jane L. picked me up and took me to Charlie’s birthday cocktail BBQ which I enjoyed but could only manage an hour – Jane heroically brought me back home and then returned to the party…thank you Jane, most understanding.  And thanks Charlie and Paul for a lovely gathering!

Sunday morning I got up to the barn and photographed the bus and the Vitesse for their insurance valuations – it’s that time of year again.  It’s so good to have my bus back I can’t explain it really.  And can’t quit believe it either – when I look back to April/May when it was still in 1000 pieces and so was I.

Actually, I’m missing the focus that putting it back together gave me, and maybe that’s part of my problem now, and why I feel I’m drifting somewhat.  I’ve got the Chemo mid-term blues I think.  The cumulative effects of the chemicals means no let up from the aches and nausea, and my head’s cloudy much of the time.  I look better apparently, now the cancer is on the retreat, but I don’t feel inspired or motivated in any direction.

Also I have to fess up to struggling with eating – I sometimes just can’t get it down and have abandon the food.  I hate waste like that.  And weirdly my sense of smell is doing funny things – for example I bought a large rye loaf which looked delicious but it filled the kitchen with a sickly aroma which took a while to track down…so into the bin with it.  In fact, I’d just like to throw all this food away!  Do without eating all together, it’s so disappointing.  But I don’t of course, and the thought if vitamins just an indulgence.  I’m eating to keep up my strength and weight, and I’m undergoing an amazing treatment for a cancer which without it would be killing me.  I’m very aware of this – without the chemo I’d be on the short countdown to dead, in a very sorry state by now with a few months to go perhaps.  So, I’m not complaining, just reporting.

Sunday afternoon I got out for a sail, 2 hours taking Marin-Marie across the bay to Mousehole where the Sea, Salt and Sail festival is going on; lots of old gaffers out and shouted greetings, flags flying and hot sun.  A Wayfarer leaves Penzance harbour soon after me and we race down on a broad reach, they slowly gain on me but they’re two up and that gives them more ballast to lean into the wind with.  My iPhone GPS records 6.8 knots and it’s an exhilarating trip.  Coming back I should have put in a reef but it was too busy outside Mousehole harbour and by the time I was clear I figured I might as well carry on as I was so it was a bit of a fight with the wind but alright.