Day 183

Chemo No.11

Back in hospital I’m managing to be more cheerful this time.  Siobhan’s away today; post festival recovery day I believe, and Nurse Sally does the bloods – Nurse Clumsy – I’m getting used to her caring ways now, she’s great of course, they all are.  I don’t know why she upset me before, I think it’s all in my head and just the hardness of what’s happening to me when I’m here.  And I see MacMillan Nurse Caz instead of Dr. Kruger whose on holiday.  We discuss the nerve numbness and joint pain and agree to leave out the Vinblastin again which is relief.

I’m very tired.  My feet went haywire last night and made sleep impossible; very sore and sensitive and big leg jumps too. I’d really overdone the last few days trying to pack it all in.  So a long night in the bus during which I drank 2 litres of water and eventually things calmed down and I slept.  A big clear sky of stars and wind and the lights of ships out to sea – being awake for half the night and needing to piss frequently gave me a chance to simply wonder out in the gentle darkness.

The day passes.  I’m able to pick up wifi in the chair I’m in this time and distract myself with online tests for Marine Lights and Shapes and Sounds.  I’m getting there after all the dry reading of the Prevention of Collisions at Sea.  The chemo nurses are all friendly, cool and calm and I sleep for a bit and I am in better spirits this time which is noticed.  Stop being such a misery and get on with it!

Ali and Milli pick me up and were back at the studio early evening for salmon supper and an excellent blackberry apple crumble.  We both pass put soon after 9pm still dresses on the day bed.  I wake at midnight and stagger off to bed but then don’t sleep again til 4am as the steroids are buzzing my brain and I can’t stop it. But I’m in to the last four weeks of treatment and that feels good.