Days 198 – 199

Last Straw.

Tuesday was quiet – I stayed at home, watered the succulents, tinkered with the computer.  My face was chemical flushed and sweaty, taste-buds clobbered, food a struggle.  I’m very happy this is the last session of it.

Today was, I don’t know, just sort of mad.  I decided to go to the barn and get on with putting the car back together.  I got the welder working again enough to finish the job, then put it away to deal with the broken regulator and leaking cyclinder valve another day.  Then I got on with starting to re-fit the body panels but made slow messy progress, not thinking straight and having to do things several times.  My hands can’t feel what they’re supposed to be doing – tools slip, knuckles scrape, what the hell is happening!  I got more and more furious, cursing myself and wanting to wreck something.  I’d pick something up, put it down, loose it, find part of it, loose another bit, pick it up, drop it in the dust and have to start again.  I didn’t deliberately smash anything but I felt like it.  Instead I broke my inspection lamp, forgetting I’d left it under the bonnet when I closed it.  Crunch.  The sound of the last straw.

Time to go home, where making supper was pretty much an action replay.  But now its bedtime and all will be well.  I know all will be well.  Several friends call or text me during the evening and I feel connected again.  Thank you.