Days 210 – 213

Empty.

Sunday and Monday pass quietly.  I’m very aware that I would normally (?!) be heading back into hospital for more chemo cocktail, but not this time.  That’s it.  The course is over and I’m very happy about that.  Very relieved to have had it, the treatment, but so relieved to have completed the term.  However, as the chemicals drain out of my system I’m discovering a new level of exhaustion.  I thought I might bounce back on the Monday but that’s being unrealistic of course.  In fact I’ve been in bed a lot – getting up late and returning in the afternoon some days because I’m just whacked.  Perhaps the chemicals themselves in addition to the steroids have been holding me up too, or maybe its that during treatment one’s adrenalin kicks in at some level to support the body.  I don’t know.  Anyway, it feels good to be sleeping and not fighting it.

Very sore feet!  Leg muscles and knee joints a mess.  I’m not feeling the ground very well and on one of these last days when Si was helping me we cut through the church yard to get to his van and chatting away to him I tripped going up the steps, falling full length…WHA!  Fortunately my upper body reflexes are still good and my hands came up catching me in a sort of lowered press-up position, my nose half an inch from the granite.  Ah, slow down H slow down.

During waking hours I’m continuing the winnowing process that I’ve been doing on and off this year – sorting out stuff and throwing things away.  I finally shift the last of the building materials and stuff out of the front studio room and then tackle the difficult task of going through the draws of my plan chest, full of old artwork and photos and negatives and building plans and drawings.  Quite a bit ends up in the bin and the rest can go into deep storage somewhere, allowing me to get rid of the plan chest itself which I’d originally hauled out of a skip in London but have never liked, not just because of its cheap formica and yellow paint but because I feel its reproach.

The drawing board stays though.  The drawing board is for things to come, whatever they may be.