Day+91 – 93

Home.

Back in Penzance Harbour, safely moored up in the Wet Dock, N&T had left the boat to catch the bus back to Mullion where they’d left their car.  T had to return because she was still wearing her lifejacket and I’d forgotten to give her the mackerel for their supper.   I then stayed on tidying up the boat, a little tired and quiet in myself but happy enough making lists of what I needed to stock up on or sort out next.  At 5pm my mobile rang and it was Caz, my MacMillan nurse at Treliske, with the scan results.

‘Hadrian, the results are good.  A Negative PET/CT scan.  A complete metabolic response; no sign of metabolically active lymphoma.  The only observation was some low-grade uptake of the radioactive sugar solution in an area alongside my trachea in my upper chest – slight avidity in two nodes but very low and the doctors where not treating it as significant.’

These are my notes of our conversation scribbled in Selene’s Dragon Local Logbook as I was making my lists.  It was hard to take in.  And writing now 48 hours later it is still hard to take in.  18 months of fighting the cancer and now at last…what? A clean slate?  A new start?  Another chance?  All these things.  And an acute awareness that it could so easily have been different news 3 months on and that prepare as I might I have no idea how I might have responded to that.  And that for 50% of the people going through the same treatment they don’t get the good news I got and will have to face some very difficult decisions.

How do I feel?  Very, very tired suddenly.  I’d just like to sleep.  Sleep and eat.

And so I’m doing those things.  And bit by bit I send out the news and I have calls and messages and texts and email letters of love from friends and family near and far away which amaze me in their directness, and I have friends around me too – by chance Duncan over from Australia arrived yesterday for just one day, and Candy was visiting her daughter in Plymouth last week and came on to say hello, and Denise is arriving for a two week holiday staying out in St Just, and Amanda and Greg and Marta and other friends are camping in the rain up at Noon Gallus and said to come and join them and Billy and Justine are back tomorrow from France and tonight I’ll go and have supper with Richard B and Lisa at Alison’s Cafe and we’ll make plans for sailing to the Isles of Scilly next week and I’ll probably stay the night in the bus down at Cot or up at The Gloos and Alison and Milli will maybe join me there after all the dishes are washed and the tables cleared and the cafe kitchen is cleaned down ready for the breakfast shift tomorrow.

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